This week has been better. Slowly getting more issues sorted in my mind with regard to the gender debate. The bad feelings have subsided this week, although today I have been a bit on the down side. 

I went to the gender group again this week. It was very helpful. I have thought long and hard about the issues raised last week and got the chance to talk about some of those this week. The feelings inside me are gaining momentum at the moment. I am dreaming of transitioning and becoming female. I am dreaming of being in a loving relationship with someone who cares for me deeply. Someone who will hold me in their arms, love me, caress me, and look after me. I think that as I have not felt that for so long, that is my ideal outcome. I have to be realistic about any outcome, otherwise it may set me back again in the future.

However, I am not in any fit state to make a decision at the moment. It will be a life changing decision, whatever I decide. As long as I make the right decision and regain my confidence.......

It has been a long week for me. Six days of work; boring work. The atmosphere has been better this week. There is a faint flicker of enjoyment again. Only very faint, mind. I am on a course this week for a couple of days. A chance to have a meal and hotel stay on my company. Plus a few drinks. It will be nice to have a change of scenery, even if it is to do with work.

I have a telephone consultation regarding my counselling this week. This is to determine whether I need full counselling or not. The wonders of the NHS. I know I need to talk to someone other than my friends (who I am so lucky to have); who is removed from my situation and the problems it has created. We will see how that turns out. If I don't get any counselling, it will be a major setback. As I cannot take any medication for the depression, this is my way of dealing with my feelings and issues.

She has been invited out next week. A meal in Brighton. All week she has been wondering what to wear. I think she wants a new outfit. She is complaining that she hasn't got anything to wear. Her wardrobe is getting bigger than mine! She says that she wants to try a different look, but isn't sure what look to go for. I think it will depend on what money she has. I know it is a bit tight on the financial front at the moment, so I think she will be going bargain hunting. More shopping!!

I have a quiet week, this week. Not a lot planned on the social front. I have a couple of friends coming over on Wednesday for a drink, which I am looking forward to. Other than that, my diary is empty. In a way, I am glad and in a way, I am sad. I need the time to try and gain the enthusiasm to make changes to my life but need people around to give my the impetus to do them.