Wednesday the 2nd of September. The day I ask to be referred to a GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) by my GP. It is the earliest day I could get an appointment after 5pm. I can't go during the day next week as I have to work every hour my branch is open, so it will have to be the week after.

I just want to start the process. It has taken me 38 years to get to this point - I suppose another couple of weeks is a drop in the ocean. Then there's the thorny issue of telling my family. Yes, I know it has to be done and I know I will have to do it soon.  To be honest, I'm really scared. I have only really just been accepted back into the fold after 'issues' with my ex and can't stand the thought of any new rejection. I know I have a great network of friends for support and they will be there for me whatever may happen, but I really need my family to accept my decision. They may not agree with it, but I've spent too long thinking about other people and not looking after me.

I have spent some time looking into the protocols and timelines of transitioning and I am a bit scared that I may not be accepted for 'treatment' as I have not shown major physiological issues with my gender throughout my life. Although my questions about my gender started in the 1990's, I had put them to the back of my mind when  got into serious relationships. Yes, maybe the thought of changing gender cropped up every couple of years (when times were tough in my relationships), but I quickly dismissed them. I know this is what I want - I'm just frightened that I won't be able to change the way I want to. If I don't do this now, I never will. 

My mind is starting to over analyse the situation and in turn is making me question if it will happen. Perhaps I am just making mountains out of molehills and I will be accepted for 'treatment'. If not - I will have to cope, somehow. I'm nervous enough as it is - I don't need all this as well!!

Just a quick update to let you all know where I am and what's happened over the past few days. After my last post, I decided to announce my decision to ask for Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS) on me 2.0's Facebook page. The reaction has been very positive and I have had so much support from people who have said I'm courageous, brave and have made the right decision.

There is one person who I never thought would be as supportive as they have. I used to work with this person and during my divorce a few years ago they were very good to me and we have kept in contact, (when I remembered!) ever since. As we work for the same company, it has helped! They friended me 2.0 on Facebook a few months ago and on my last trip to my old store, I finally told them about me 2.0. I was over the moon with the reaction and it was such a weight off of my mind as I had wanted to tell them for ages.

After putting the status up on Facebook, I got a comment from this person that basically was an OMG! moment. They have said they will support me and help me in any way they can and I believe them. This has made me extremely happy and I now truly know what a fantastic group of friends I have. I don't have quantity, I have quality.

Following on from this and going off slightly at a tangent, but it is relevant, was a birthday party me 1.0 was invited to on Saturday. Now,this is someone who I have met through friends and I was happy that they invited me 1.0 along. They know about me 2.0 and have met me 2.0. The evening was about this person and I didn't intend to even mention or talk about my decision. It wasn't my evening and I'm not that kind of person.

However, the conversation did turn to my decision, as a few of my close friends (all me 2.0 friends) were there. Again, the support I received was amazing and beyond anything I expected. One of them, the partner of the birthday boy, has even started to see me as me 2.0 and is even referring to me by my chosen name and pronouns. We had a very in depth conversation and that made my evening. Well, that and the fact I was, shall we say, persuaded to go clubbing capped off a good evening.

The next piece of positive news was from someone I have known for about 16 years now and knew about me 2.0 way before the current incarnation. They didn't meet me 2.0 before and haven't really this time. (Except for a Rocky Horror excursion). I had a text from them about meeting up - I'm really bad at keeping in contact with some people, a major failing of mine - and they revealed a piece of info I wasn't expecting. It was only a small thing, but it was a big thing for me. On an old phone of theirs, from way back in time, the icon they had when they first put my details in, was of a girl. They obviously knew even back then!

I have also had a message from someone who is going through the transition from female to male. I have met this person through a very good and extremely supportive friend and they have said that if I ever want to talk about anything they are there. Considering I have only met this person a few times, that is a very nice thing to say and I expect I will have a few questions for them.

I know it won't all be a bed of roses and there will be a huge amount of negativity on the way. However, with the amazing people behind me so far and the support they have given, I will hopefully make my through this journey a relatively normal and sane person, It's early days yet and there are still many hurdles to get across before the journey really starts. The toughest one is the first one. Wish me luck.