Wednesday the 2nd of September. The day I ask to be referred to a GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) by my GP. It is the earliest day I could get an appointment after 5pm. I can't go during the day next week as I have to work every hour my branch is open, so it will have to be the week after.

I just want to start the process. It has taken me 38 years to get to this point - I suppose another couple of weeks is a drop in the ocean. Then there's the thorny issue of telling my family. Yes, I know it has to be done and I know I will have to do it soon.  To be honest, I'm really scared. I have only really just been accepted back into the fold after 'issues' with my ex and can't stand the thought of any new rejection. I know I have a great network of friends for support and they will be there for me whatever may happen, but I really need my family to accept my decision. They may not agree with it, but I've spent too long thinking about other people and not looking after me.

I have spent some time looking into the protocols and timelines of transitioning and I am a bit scared that I may not be accepted for 'treatment' as I have not shown major physiological issues with my gender throughout my life. Although my questions about my gender started in the 1990's, I had put them to the back of my mind when  got into serious relationships. Yes, maybe the thought of changing gender cropped up every couple of years (when times were tough in my relationships), but I quickly dismissed them. I know this is what I want - I'm just frightened that I won't be able to change the way I want to. If I don't do this now, I never will. 

My mind is starting to over analyse the situation and in turn is making me question if it will happen. Perhaps I am just making mountains out of molehills and I will be accepted for 'treatment'. If not - I will have to cope, somehow. I'm nervous enough as it is - I don't need all this as well!!