My emotions are confusing me at the moment. After having an alcoholic Saturday night with good friends (my first in ages), a kind friend putting me up afterwards and a visit to my family, I was a very happy person. After coming home, I decided to put on the TV and started to watch an american sitcom. One of the main characters had just buried their dad (not the usual sitcom fair) and the scene was very moving and sad. I started to cry. The tears just welled up and started to run down my face. No rhyme or reason. Whether it was a subconscious reaction or not, I just do not know. I must be honest, I am feeling more emotional recently. Anger, hate, sadness, happiness, contentment - I do not know from one hour to the next how I am going to feel.

Gender group again tomorrow. Only my second meeting. I will not be able to go again for a few weeks - work commitments. I also wanted to go as Danielle tomorrow, but I won't be able to. No time to get ready as I can only leave work at two. By the time I have got home, changed and back out to the local city, it will be about three thirty. I am going to try and go on a weekly basis and I am lucky that my employer is going to try and accommodate my Tuesday meeting as part of my rota.

I have started to think about all the issues involved in transitioning. The list is not exhaustive, only the tip of the iceberg, but there is plenty to think about. Some of the major issues are at the start. Telling friends and family. This is a crucial time. This will set the tone for the whole transition. The whole of my support network will be determined on the acceptance of my decision. Could I cope with rejection? I know I have a good number of close friends who will support me whatever I decide, but I know I have family members who will not and will not want to understand. I have a lot to think about as well as my other issues to deal with. I will deal with it all, one piece at a time.

I do not know when she will be back around. She doesn't seem to have any freetime coming up. It does make me sad. I enjoy her being around. She makes me feel alive. I know that I can be natural around her. 
She would love to come round more, that I do know. I think we need to make more time for each other. I think at least once a week, we should meet up. I know it would be good for me. I feel loved when she is near. She knows exactly where I am coming from. She has seen me at my best and my worse. 

Luckily, I have a quiet week. A time to recuperate, relax and put some actions into place. A time to make some positive changes and changes to suit me. My appearance being one. What form they are going to take......you will have to wait and see!!