It's been a week of ups and downs, luckily more ups than downs.
The situation at work on Monday was dealt with. I have calmed down about that one for the time being. My manager popped into the branch on Wednesday, so he now knows how I feel. Everything at work has been OK until this morning. Let me explain..............
On Monday, I spoke to my colleague about using my early day hour, to come in late on Friday. I was going to a gig in the local city and that would mean that I could go, stay out and still get a decent nights sleep - something which has been sadly lacking recently. We spoke and I said that I would add the hour to it that I had not taken a couple of weeks ago. That made two hours, meaning that I would be in at ten o'clock.
Nine o'clock this morning, I get a text message. 'U coming to work?', then 'Hello?' as I had not answered within the prerequisite time period that colleague had desired. This then descended into a text slanging match between us, basically saying that I had only been allocated one hour this week and I am not the boss and to wind my neck in. So I was wrong and my colleague was right. Given the state of my mind recently, this was not a good option of hers to attack me. So, I fought back. I answered all of their texts with mostly reasoned arguments and was not backing down. If they had forgotten about it, that's their problem, not mine. This is also the same colleague that told me to get over what had happened on Monday - so that's what I told them. They could not really answer that. I think that they expected me to back down and apologise, but I, in my mind, had done nothing wrong.

The thing is, this is the first morning where I'd had a decent nights sleep, had not had any acid indigestion and had not felt sick. I was feeling really good for once. Then, the text message came. The sickness and acid indigestion came back. I thought, why am I feeling like this. I'm right and they are wrong. The wonders of the human mind.

The rest of the week has been positive. Tuesday, my day off, was my chance to visit the gender group in the local city. I took my friend for moral support. I was very nervous - I did not know what to expect. My heart was pounding as we approached the centre where the group was meeting. I did not need to worry. They were all very approachable. I chatted to people at all stages of transition, sharing their experiences, the facilitator who explained my options, things I had to think about and what my next steps were. The psychotherapist also had a quick chat with me to see where my head was and why I had come.

I came away with a head full of new information, lots of things that I need to think about if I were to transition and an invite to the next meal the group have. I now have to try and get Tuesday afternoons or Tuesday as my day off, so I can go to the group. I can go as myself or as my alter ego.

She has been in my thoughts this week. I have not been able to see her this week. In a way, it hurts that she has not been here, but I understand that she can be a little shy and has her own life. She has an invite to a meal with a new group. I think she is looking forward to it. She has mentioned shopping for a new outfit to go to the meal, so I think I will be joining her on her search for the perfect outfit. I think it will depend on the financial situation.I know she is nervous about meeting the new group, as I was. I think she will be OK. They seem a very accepting group of people.

Thursday evening was also very good. Went with two very good friends to a gig in the local city, as I mentioned above. We saw three bands; one was OK, the other two were excellent. I must admit that I enjoyed the second act more than the main act!! I think the knowledge of a lie in and the good music contributed to my good mood.

Tomorrow evening should also be good. Being able to have a decent drink without having to drive is a good feeling. I can let my hair down for the first time in ages. Good drink and good friends - a recipe for a good, if drunken night!!