Heels. Love wearing them. However, as me 1.0/2.0 are not used to wearing them very often, my feet do tend to suffer very quickly. Going out twice in two weeks has helped my feet to cope, but I still need more practice. It's a hard life being comfortable with myself.

As you may have read in my last post, me 2.0 had another party to go to. This was to the same place as the birthday party in December. Me 2.0 was invited by the landlady of the pub in question as she hadn't been able to meet me 2.0 at the party, So, I had been looking forward to this all week. The only problem was, I had to work Saturday. Which meant working until 4.30pm. This would only leave me about 2 hours to get ready - 45 min drive home and an hour drive later. I did as much preparation as I could the day before - legs, armpits and then laid everything out ready on the morning before I went to work. It was all planned out. 

Off to work I trotted. Little did I know, but for once lady luck shone a little for me. My colleague had been suffering with a cold and on Saturday it had decided to become a full blown head cold. By the early afternoon, it was obvious that they couldn't continue working, so, being a responsible employer, I sent them home. Now, due to a long term condition, I cannot work on my own. So, what else could I do but go home. This piece of good fortune gave me an extra 90 mins to work my magic and get out.

As I had everything laid out ready, I was a bit more relaxed. As it would turn out, I would need that extra time as things did not go quite to plan. Everything was alright until I got to the lippy. Whatever I did, it went wrong. In the past, I would have panicked, however, I kept my calm and reapplied the lippy. Which went wrong again. Sigh. Frustrated, yes; panic, no. So, for the third time, I reapplied. Better than the last two attempts, but not my usual high standard. I would have to do.

After that, the outfit went together perfectly. I wore the same outfit as the week before, just tweaking the hair and shoes slightly. Black wig and a black patent pair of heels. I must also mention at this point that I was also staying our overnight and had to get a set of clothes together to wear on Sunday. The only difference was that I would have to be me 2.0 in the morning as well.

Yes, I would have to around in the morning as well. Why? Well, the person I was staying with is also like me - the friend I had a girlie day with last week. They are older than me and due to circumstance live with their parents.  However, they are not fully out to their parents, so it was easier to say that they had a female friend coming to stay. No me 1.0 to pack, just a get me home outfit and a basic makeup kit. All good practice for me!! 

Car packed, off I went. I felt comfortable - I felt right. The drive to my friends house was quicker than I planned for, so I arrived there about 30 mins early. Which gave us more valuable drinking time and a chance to have a gossip. After doing the whole 'Do I look ok?' routine and fortified with rum, off to the party we went. 

Walking into the pub, we were immediately welcomed in and told how good we looked. I got hugs off of the people I had met before and a few admiring glances off of a few others! It all felt very natural and right. Before long, we were both dancing to the band and having a fabulous time. At the other pub in town (yes, there is only 2, the licensees were leaving, so, as my friend knew them, a few of us went down. The reaction in this pub was completely different. I could feel the hostility as soon as we walked in. We were stared at and one person was intent on causing aggravation. This was my first piece of negativity. This 'person' was intent on ridiculing us and being rude and obnoxious by asking stupid questions. It was not a very accepting pub and the clientele were from the lower end of the evolutionary scale. Not that I'm being bitchy. Much.

So we drank up and made our way back to the original venue. More drink, more dancing and more admiring glances. I did have to rest my feet at one point as they couldn't take any more. They were a little sore. Then, before I knew it, the party was over and we had to go. The taxi was booked for 12am and at 12am it arrived. Once back at my friends, we sat and chatted for at least two hours. I found out quite a lot about my friend, about their past and the things they went through. I felt privileged that they could share them with me. It had got to a point where we had to go to bed. Where I had to, for a couple of hours at least, become me 1.0. I stripped away the layers, removed the makeup and fell into bed. 

When I eventually got up, I had to become me again. On with the layers and on with the makeup. I had to creep across the landing to the bathroom to put the makeup on before anyone saw me. I need more practice at doing makeup quickly, but it was a passable attempt. I had my morning outfit of a long sleeved top. denim skirt, and boots to go home in, but not before a fry up. Eaten in a ladylike fashion, of course! We chatted some more over brunch and put the world to rights, before I had to leave. I drove home and with a heavy heart knew my adventures were nearly over. 

Once home and unpacked, it was time for me to go. Time for me to become me 1.0 again. Off with the wig, makeup and the outfit. Back to me again. Back to the world of conformity. Back with the memories of a fantastic couple of weeks and three outings. I'm just planning when the next one will be. Soon I hope.

Well, that was a good evening. Last night was the gig at the arts centre. An evening of electro swing, fuelled by rum and a good boogie! I had been looking forward to this evening for about a month now. A good friend of mine, mentioned this evening last month and asked if I'd like to go. As I don't get out as often as I'd like, I said yes. So, tickets booked, the countdown began.

Firstly, I had to get the day off of work. A task easier said than done, given the boss I have. If I could have fluttered my eyelids at him, I would have. However, as I was in me 1.0 mode it wouldn't have been appropriate! I did eventually get the day off and I'm glad I did. Well, I did need to make myself as glam as possible. You never know what might happen at a gig on Valentines night..... (As it happens, even after my blog of a couple of weeks ago, nothing. Boo!!)

So, the big day arrived. Once I was up and dressed, I chose my outfit for the evening and got all the other bits and pieces together ready for later. To get myself in the mood, the first thing was a nice bath. A nice long soak with a lush(!) bath melt, to get my skin as soft as possible. I had defuzzed earlier, so my body was feeling nice and pampered. Then onto the face. A good clean and an extremely close shave. That was the best part of an hour (or so) taken, however, I had only just started.

Stage two. After the prepping, now to condition the skin. So, after a body lotion, hand cream, foot cream and a cleanse, tone and moisturise of the face, the next stage could begin - the makeup. This is the stage that takes the most time. This is the bit that really changes me 1.0 into me 2.0. This is the bit I really need to get right and not look like a). A bloke in a dress or b). A drag queen. I have learnt, hopefully my friends will tell me if not, to be subtle and not to trowel it on. I need to be subtle if I go out on a shopping day, or I will be 'read' by the general public. Also, this means that I take less time getting ready and can relax more!

Once the makeup has been applied, the next stage is the undergarments and the outergarments. I'm not telling you about the undergarments - I want to keep some mystique about me, not that there's much left - however, you can see the outergarments for yourself. Then comes the hair. This, plus the makeup, is the thing that brings it all together. Once the hair is in place, this is when I start to believe that I can pass as a girl. So, hair on, jewellry on, shoes on, perfume misted, creates this vision of femininity:

I was happy with the look. I think I scrubbed up well. Now, I had to face the general public. I chickened out abit, by driving to the next town to catch a bus. From, where I live, I would have had to catch two buses and I wasn't feeling that brave. So, coat on, handbag ready, to the car I went. It was dark, so that was no problem. Parking near the bus stop in the local town was no problem either. Getting out of the car.......also not a problem. My confidence after my trip on Tuesday was good, so I wasn't that nervous. A quick walk and a quick wait and on the bus I got. I texted my friend to let her know I was on my way.

The bus, for whatever reason, left early. So, as I neared my friends stop, the bus just sailed past as my friend was crossing the road. Oops!! All I could do was get off the bus at the next stop and walk back. We then had to wait another half an hour for the next bus. In the cold. Which I'm not used to in heels and tights. My friend was suffering more than me though, although her hip flask was doing a good job of keeping the cold at bay.

Once back on the bus, my excitement was growing. I was feeling girly, (hopefully) looking girly and wanted to be treated as girly. Off the bus we got and tottering in my heels we reached the venue. Called ladies as we walked in fuelled my confidence even more!! We were in. Straight to the bar. Rum and coke for me, a red wine for my friend. We sat down and waited for the start of the gig. We chatted about many things, covered a vast array of topics and before we knew it, the gig started. 

A room full of people in period costume, jiving and dancing along to some fabulous music, was a sight to behold. The DJ set was excellent, as were the singers. The support band were also excellent and had everybody on their feet. I danced so much, shook my booty and drank well, as did my friend. The atmosphere was electric. I really enjoyed myself and I felt totally at ease and natural. On the down side, most of the people were in couples, so no chance of fulfilling my dreams. 

Then, the night came to an end. Tiredness hit. Home we must go. After collecting our coats, we headed out. I did get a cheeky smile from a guy as we walked out. That made me feel good and helped me to believe that I can pass as female.

Unfortunately, the last bus had gone, so we had to take a taxi. After dropping my friend off, being in a taxi on my own as me 2.0 was a bit scary. As me 1.0, I never really thought about it, but as me 2.0, I felt very vulnerable, the most I've felt as me 2.0. I was glad to get home. I sure that there was nothing to worry about. It has made me think though.

Once in, it was time to say goodbye to me 2.0. I didn't want the evening to end, but end it must. So, I began the reverse transformation back to........ me 1.0. After stripping away the layers of me 2.0, this is the aftermath:

It's not easy being me 2.0 and it creates a lot of mess! I had a good evening though and I have another party to go to on Saturday, so this mess will be repeated this weekend as well. I'm going to need it after the week I think I'm going to have. It's me and my boss only most of this week. It's not going to be an easy week. My patience has worn very thin, but on the upside, I only have two weeks to go. Two.....long.....weeks........

Finally, a proper update. It's been too long. Where to begin. From the start I suppose.....

Me 1.0 is can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel regarding my current place of employment. With just over two weeks to go until I depart the branch that time forgot and trundle off to pastures new. It's been a struggle to see all the hard work I have put in to the branch being dismantled by the manager. It's his branch, but I still don't think - even after 2 and a half years - he has a grasp on the customer base or how a small branch works. Only time will tell.

As for me 2.0, things have been busy. I have finally had my first outing of the year. A girlie shopping trip with a new friend. When I say new friend, me 1.0 has known them for a couple of years via work. As similar girls and the fact me 1.0 is leaving, we decided to have a girlie day. I had already been to their party in December, so this was a chance to be ourselves and have a relaxed day.

We met at my flat - my friend said they didn't recognise me! That made my day. My ultimate aim is not to be 'read' and hopefully, one day, I won't be. I drove us into the local city and we parked in one of the busiest car parks. We were both very nervous as I had only been into the city as me with a GG (Genetic Girl) and my friend hadn't been out fully dressed before. My local city is probably one of the best to go out in and luckily, we didn't have any problems. 

So, we got out of the car and our adventure began. For me, it was a massive thrill to be going out and being me 2.0 came very naturally. I didn't really care if other people did 'read' me - I was just enjoying being me. We got a few smiles, a few second glances and called ladies wherever we went. Now, I realise that we were probably 'read', but it does your confidence the world of good when that happens!

We had a long lazy lunch, a slow wander around the shops, a quick coffee and then home. A journey that I didn't want to make. It meant the day was over. BOO!! Alas, all good things come to an end and with a heavy heart, we journeyed back to my flat. I had to disappear as my flatmates dad was due (he doesn't know about me 2.0) and me 1.0 had to come back. My friend stayed for a while and we had a good heart to heart over a coffee before they had to go as well. 

I must admit I had a massive come down that evening. I was a bit grumpy. I really didn't want the day to end. I thought I looked passable and I tried something different with my makeup - I went for a darker lip and eye colours. I think it was a success - I'll let you make up your own mind (although you can't really see the eye colours).......

It's the gig at the arts centre this weekend. Can't wait. A chance to get glammed up and look fabulous! Still can't decide on a dress/outfit though. I have all day to decide. Probably. I'll update you after the gig. With pictures! xx

As for me - same old same old. Seeing friends for a drink, working to pay for me 2.0's party outfits and general relaxing. I get to go out soon as well. A celebration of leaving my branch for pastures new. Curry and alcohol. It can't end well - it probably won't. You WON'T be getting any pictures of that night!!

Firstly - apologies for the lack of new posts over the last few weeks. It was me 1.0's birthday last week, so me 2.0 has taken a back seat. To be honest, I haven't felt much like me 2.0 either. The weather is cold, I'm having slight health and sleep issues and I need to find my mojo again. It's not far away - just need a nudge in the right direction.......

Secondly - I will be composing a longer post, hopefully over the weekend. Me 1.0 has a weekend free, so me 2.0 may make an appearance. Me 2.0 has a gig and now, potentially, a party to go to. I don't know the details as yet as I need to phone my friend back to find out. Exciting stuff! ;) 

Now, an evening of takeaway and chat awaits. Time to make me 1.0 look gorgeous. How long do you think you've got to get ready? You're being picked up at 7.30!! You'll have to make do, I suppose!! 

I've got a bit of an issue at the moment. It's not an issue that is causing me any major anguish, just a lack of sleep. I've had problems with my sleep for a number of years and this is just another issue in a long line of issues which cause brain to say "Sleep? No, No, No, why would you want to do that? Lets make your mind go over this issue again and again and again." I have now become resigned to the fact that this will happen on a almost daily basis.

The issue this time, is related to me 2.0. Me 1.0, just can't stop imagining me 2.0 in a range of scenarios. Now, I'm quite happy that this is the only thing keeping me awake, however, it makes me 1.0 want to be me 2.0 even more. Now, you may say "Well, why don't you?" and it is a question I often ask myself. Really, there is no reason why I can't. My problem is a). It's a bit cold to at the moment; b). I tend to get in from work and just watch the TV and c). I procrastinate. 

You see, when me 2.0 has an event coming up, say the gig at the arts centre, I start to imagine me 2.0 in a range of scenarios. As it's being held on Valentines day, supposedly one of the most romantic days of the year, all I think about is, basically, having a snog and a dance with a sexy man or woman. To quantify it, in my mind they would have to pretty drunk to even consider it, but if I can pass as well as people say, anything is possible! ;)

The thing is, the fantasy doesn't end there. Oh no. My brain then wanders into what if territory. So, in this scenario, my brain says "Let's take this a stage further and make a relationship out of it.". So, my mind then goes into a story arc of kissing, cuddling, doing things together - with me 1.0 and 2.0. I even imagine telling my family, should he relationship not be what they consider 'normal'. It's usually the same situation every night, with a few small alterations. I'm usually the one who likes to be held, cuddled and taken care of.

Could it saying something about my innermost thoughts and dreams? Probably. Will they actually happen? Who knows? This time 4 years ago, I wasn't expecting to be in the situation I am now. I expected to be married with at least one child and living in a modest house. The reality is, I'm flat sharing, opposite the flat I used to live in with my ex, being me 1.0 and 2.0 and having fun with a brilliant group of friends. To be honest, I'm happier with the latter. I couldn't imagine myself still married with a child and a mortgage. I've found myself again. 

Tonight will be no different. I just have to make sure that I don't build this particular night out up too much and expect these things to happen. As long as I have a good time and pass as me 2.0, that will be all I could hope for.

A small setback today. Nothing major, just a spanner in the works. You see, I wasn't going to my own Christmas do, me 2.0 was. Great, another outing and a free meal throw in. However, my area manager has decided that he wants to come, so now it means that I have to go instead. Me 2.0 had an outfit planned and everything. As my manager said, he couldn't really say no and I know that he couldn't.

The good thing is that another party has come up. A good friend of mine (not the shopping trip friend), invited me 2.0 to a gig at an arts centre in the local city. It's the music of the 1920's and 1930's spun into the 21st century. After looking at the website and on you tube, me 2.0 said yes. So, tickets are booked and the outfit is chosen. Me 2.0 gave my credit card a small dent to buy some 'accessories'. Shoes, a belt and a clutch bag I think. I presume they are being delivered to work, so I guess I'll find out soon enough. I do need to, before the party, book a back wax. The dress is a bit low cut at the back, so I don't want me 2.0 looking a bit hairy. The things I suffer for her art!

Good news on the work front. I finally have a leaving date for my current branch - 28th February and I will, until the new branch opens, be working at the nearest store to the new branch, so, according to my area manager, I can 'get a feel for the area and the customers, whilst planning the new store'. Scheduled opening is now early May. Lets hope all goes to plan............

Shame about the Christmas do - I had a very pretty dress picked out to wear. The whole look was planned. I am a little sad that I'm not going but it is probably best that I don't. However, my monthly shopping trip to the local city with my good friend is coming up, so plenty of new stuff to buy and the party next month means I will be out and about. There are also a few extra days off looming for me 1.0, so more trips out could be on the horizon. Well, I can't stop now, can I? If me 1.0 thinks I've finished the spending with the accessories, he's got another thing coming! (Depends on if there's anything left after my birthday spend up!!) There are 4 items due (the other is a bra) and I do need a few more essential items/accessories. I'm sure we can come to a compromise.....;)

I have a confession to make. I've been a bit naughty and been a bit of a catfish. To those who don't know what a 'Catfish' is, in this context, here is a brief description:
This is a person who pretends to be someone they are not, usually on social media, to pursue deceptive online romances.

Now, I haven't tried to pursue any online romances and, strictly speaking, I'm not pretending to be someone else. I am being a person I want to be. Let me explain the situation...........In a state of slightly inebriated merriment last Saturday evening, I decided to create a profile for my female half on a dating website. The purpose of this, was to see if could pass as female to a wider audience and by doing this, finally get it into my head that I am not just me in a dress and makeup. So, I chose a site at random and created a profile - using information that relates to myself. The only information changed was my date of birth and my gender.

I uploaded 3 photos, (the best I could find on my phone) and then waited to see what would happen. Now, I wasn't expecting much as I thought people would see that it was a bloke in a wig and makeup. So, 6 days later, much to my surprise, I have received 72 messages, 77 men want to meet me and 8 men have made me their favourite. I must state that I have not messaged any men back, or said I would meet any of them or made any my favourite. I intend to delete the profile on Sunday as I don't think it is right to carry it on and give false hope to people.  

I know some people will take a dim view of my actions and I don't blame them.  A few years ago, I would have been the same. However, in my quest to educate my mind that I can pass as a female, I saw this as a good opportunity to reaffirm what my friends are telling me. I know that it is not a controlled experiment - more of a 'run it up the flagpole and see how it flies' kind of thing. I do feel better in myself for doing it and now feel more confident that I can pass as a female in certain lights and situations. I do need to practice more and do more things as my female half to gain more confidence in myself and by doing that will make me look and act female to the general public. If you are confident in yourself, this will show through to other people.

I'm hoping that this will be true in a few weeks, when the Christmas do is finally booked. Not my Christmas do, my male half. You see, he's not going - I am. Why? Well, the manager and the full time member of staff both know about me, but the new part timer doesn't. From speaking to her, she kept going on about her girlfriend. So, I felt that I could be introduced to her, hoping that I would be accepted. 

So, my male half introduced me to her. Her first response - "Can I see any pictures?'' and after viewing the pictures, " You would get me into trouble!". We then got talking about the do and I joked that I should come half and half and she said why not come as me? So, I am going instead of him! I already have my outfit, but think I am going to have to accessory shopping!! Now, where has he hidden the credit card..............!!