As I cannot sleep, I thought it an ideal time to give you all an update, or at least give you something to read!
There has not been much chance for my alter ego to appear in either public or private since last week. A combination of being busy on my days off, dashing about to help a friend in need (A friend who has been very good to my alter ego recently) and general tiredness have not helped. Hopefully, in the next few days, I will have the opportunity to let her out. At least in the comfort of my temporary home. 
Since my alter egos foray into the big wide world last week, it has got my and my alter egos minds working overtime. I will let Danielle explain.......

I enjoyed my trips out last week and I enjoyed the whole experience of actually being treated the way I feel I should be. Following on from that, there are a few more experiences I want to have. I think these are connected to Dave's feelings as well, as I know he is still unsure of his gender and sexual identity. 
So, what are these experiences? Well, I would like to experience being chatted up by someone - either male of female. I would like to experience being kissed, caressed and being wanted. Personally, they would have to accept that I am not completely all that I seem, but can accept the illusion I present and can believe the illusion I present. I do find myself fantasising about being with a man - kissing and cuddling and making me feel as I want to feel inside. I have started to look at men in a more sexual way and have started fantasising about some members of the opposite sex on the TV.  
The problem is, it will get to a point in which I will want it so much,that it will eat me up inside and that will in turn will affect me mentally.  Even if I were to 'scratch the itch', I do not think that will cure it. I will want more and more. I hope this has explained things fully. 

That is how she is feeling. I feel a lot of that. After being in a loveless relationship (not on my part), I do not always feel appreciated or loved - although I know a lot of my friends do love and appreciate me, I still do not always believe it is true. I think that stems from my upbringing and the lack of love from my father and to an extent my mother. Sometimes I just want a big hug and someone to tell me they love me and everything is going to be all right. I have not had it for so long and I really miss it. 

I am enjoying my freedom, don't get me wrong, but I am very nervous about dating again. I don't feel attractive as Dave or feel as if anybody will want me. I am my own worst enemy, as I am the only one who can change myself and make things happen. I procrastinate too much and the whole cycle starts again - me saying I need to change, making plans and procrastinating. Until I sort out my gender and sexual identity, I do not think I can get to the point of being able to date. I still have a long way to go. Wish me luck.