This time last year, I was invited to the 50th birthday party of a customer where I work. Now, if you are a regular reader of my blog, you will know that this time last year, I was in a very fragile state. My mental and physical states were a massive problem for me, meaning that I didn't want to do anything, go anywhere or see anyone. So, even though I accepted the invitation, I couldn't go through with going to the party. Being around people I didn't know - apart from the host - was far too daunting for me at that time.
So, lets fast forward a year. My mental and physical states are in a lot better shape (even after my bad October), my job prospects are better (more on that later) and my home life has improved. On the back of this I, well not exactly me, received an invite to this customers 51st birthday party. This year, we were determined to go.
This customer is the same as me in the fact we both have an alter ego. When my ex colleague at work suggested that I should bring my alter ego back out again after my divorce, she said that one of the customers also had an alter ego. So, we got chatting and have over the past few years have exchanged hints, tips and general chit chat on the subject. The next logical step was to get together and see each other at our most comfortable.
This is the point where I take up the story. In my quest to get out more, this was the perfect opportunity to get out of my comfort zone completely. The only other person I knew was the host, the location was at a pub, deep in the countryside and it was an hours drive away.To say I was apprehensive was an understatement!!
However, it gave the perfect excuse to go shopping for a new outfit (but not to outdo the party girl!). So, after going shopping with my good friend for a dress a few weeks ago, I trawled my favourite site (eBay) for a few accessories. One bag and a pair of shoes later, we were almost there. A few new bits of make up and the look was complete:
This was the easy bit, even though it took three hours to get to this point! The hardest bit was yet to come. So, I left in plenty of time and the journey was uneventful. Then I got to my destination. I had to park in a car park, which was only a short walk away, but for me was very daunting. The best option was just to get on with it. So I did. Then came the entrance to the pub. This time, my luck was definitely in. The host was outside, with the barmaid, having a cigarette. Confidence boost 1: They didn't realise it was me until I told them! They genuinely thought I was a genetic female!
The evening then followed that pattern. Everyone in the pub was very accepting and I got compliments all night and even a kiss ( only on the lips and he was very, very drunk!!) The host was extremely made up that I had come as it was their first time fully dressed in the pub. I was told off for not holding myself correctly at one point as one person thought I was a bit overwhelmed with the situation. I didn't feel overwhelmed, but my body was giving me away. I found out later they were a Female to Male transsexual - someone I would like to have a proper conversation with, considering my issues.
Then, the evening ended and home was beckoning. It had been a wonderful evening, brilliant people and that we would do it again. Funnily enough,I slept well last night!! Everything felt natural, from how I held myself, talked and moved. I felt right in myself. I felt beautiful on the inside and outside. I know I'm not the best looking girl in the world, but I felt gorgeous last night! ;) xx
There you have it. A massive confidence boost, meaning my comedown isn't as bad as it could be. It has strengthened my resolve to get my alter ego out even more and finally address my gender issues. I mustn't get too excited. I have to keep myself grounded. Even after my boss was asked when he wants the advert to go in the local paper to find my replacement. It means I must be moving stores then, right? We'll see. My area manager has been known to move the goal posts frequently. Lets just see what happens in 2015.
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