Um. Not a word I like to use as it really annoys me, but Um. Um as in after a good start to the year I have reached an um stage.Six weeks of good progress are being undone by a period of inactivity on my part. It could be as a by product of the lead up to my birthday and the subsequent come down. I had a very good week off with lots of things done and lots of money spent. I was also looking forward to the counselling session as this was the start of the next stage of my life clean up (more later). However, I am now feeling quite flat.

Let me talk about the counselling. Well, it's not really proper face to face, lets talk things through counselling, but what they call CBT or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It is helping you construct strategies to deal with the issues you have. I have six fifty minute sessions spread over a six month period. To some people, that may not seem very helpful to have only six sessions over such a long space of time, but at least I am getting some help, thanks to the much maligned NHS. My first session mainly consisted of getting the issues out that I need to deal with - of which there are a few. Once we had got these into the open, we could then start to look at the ways in which I could start to deal with them. So, that is what I am now working on until my next session. Mainly the sleep issue (the lack of) and how I deal with other people.

I have had a bit of a cold the last couple of weeks which I cannot seem to shake off. That is not helping the situation. All I want to do is sleep or eat. I have got to try and find the gumption to move forward again and motivate myself.

The Gender conundrum still continues to taunt me. For the last month I have felt like the scales were swinging towards staying in the male body and becoming my alter ego for fun. However, the last week they have been swinging in the other direction again. I have a feeling that this is going to take a lot longer than a year to even just get my head around. It is turning into a bigger struggle than even I imagined.

Hopefully by getting some of my issues sorted through the CBT will make the path cleared. Fingers crossed.