Brain Overload!! I have an over active mind which I just can't seem to turn off. I know the reasons why - for once. For some of the issues, I can do something about them, for the others - meh!

I suffer many a sleepless night, pondering over numerous issues and scenarios. Many over the past few years have involved my ex partner and where we went wrong and many have involved me as my alter ego. It is this latter group of issues and scenarios combined with the pressures of moving to and opening a new branch of my company, that are causing the current lack of sleep. 

Obviously the gender issue is the whole reason for this blog. It is a big issue to tackle. I currently have a decision in my mind as to where I go forward with my gender and it is now this decision which is causing my sleeplessness. I have had a lot of time to think about it recently. As I am not based in any particular branch, I can't do much in the way of my normal role, so I am reduced to the part of a general assistant, purely serving customers. For me, this is very boring! Therefore, I have had oodles of thinking time, thinking about the way forward.

My decision is a big one. I want to explore to possibility of transitioning.What is the way forward from here? What will it entail? How do I tell my family? How do I tell the friends who don't already know? How do I start the process? So many questions!!! From my past limited online research, it won't be easy, far from it. I have to make sure that I am tough enough mentally to cope with the negativity that will arise from some people and places and the stress that the process will put me through. 

I'm in a much better place than I was 18 months ago. This decision is the culmination of many hours of soul searching, visiting of dark places, desperation and heartache. This is a decision that will, if it happens, will have immense consequences on relationships, friendships, work and my general well being. Given my love of procrastination, don't expect a lot of movement anytime soon! At least I have made a decision on the issue. I just need to get the ball rolling.........

Last time, I said that I had some other news to tell. Exciting news. Well, here it is......I have been asked to help plan a hen do for a friend of my other gurl friend. For me, that is a brilliant vote of confidence and gives me a great sense of acceptance. I'm really looking forward to it!  I am also being me more. I am managing to be out more, whether just at home or in public. The decision me 1.0 has come to will also have a bearing on me. It will make me slightly redundant I suppose, but, if it happens, it will blur the lines between me 1.0 and 2.0 and create a whole new person.....hopefully!! xxxx