A complete curve ball  - I have two posts planned to explain a). my absence from the blog and b). what has happened in the intervening period. However, I feel I must put up this short post today to share my feelings regarding the film 'The Danish Girl'.

It's a film I have wanted to see, given my current situation. I am lucky enough to have a very nice, independent (and cheap!) cinema showing it locally and at the idea of a friend, knowing I am on a weeks holiday, suggested we go and see it. The perfect opportunity. After purchasing our tickets and suitable refreshment (alcohol before 5pm, unheard of for me!), we took our seats.

Now, I know that the film isn't strictly faithful to the actual events - it is based on the book and the book has taken artistic license. To me, the film contains many scenarios to which I can relate to during my struggles with my alter ego. I found myself sympathising with the lead character, Lili Elbe watching the internal struggle to maintain an outward persona to those around her as a male when inside there is the real person trying to break free. The clandestine dressing up, the compulsion to mimic the gender you want to be, so as to appear as your actual gender.

I came out of the film with a refreshed mind as to the way forward from this week. The blurring of the lines between me 1.0 and me 2.0 and how I can achieve that in my day to day life. There are still many things I have to do to achieve my ultimate goal  - it's not just the hormones or surgery; it's all the little things that have to be looked at as well. How you move, hold yourself, what you say and how you say it. Skincare, haircare, eating habits....the list is long and varied.

After my birthday - me 1.0's last hurrah - life will change once and for all. Me 2.0 will be the norm when invited out (wherever possible) unless me 1.0 is specifically asked. I'm having my ears pierced, growing my hair and taking better care of myself. I will practice and start to hold myself better, practice vocally so as not to sound as male and start to enhance my body through exercise and diet.

It will be very hard for some people to deal with these changes - namely my family - and I realise that they will be losing a son/brother/uncle who has been around for 39 years. All I can say is that the same person is still there, the same thoughts, feelings and memories. The vessel will be different -just in it's true form, the one currently inside me with those same thoughts, feelings and memories.

Thank you Lili Elbe - your story has inspired me to go forward with confidence and courage. Your story will stay with me for ever. x

Attention. Any member of my family attempting to read this post, please return to your home page. The contents of the post are a snapshot of my life and how I live my life. All thoughts and feelings are my own and any information that could link this post to any of you in any way has been negated. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

Another week from hell? You betcha! So, I've had family problems, we all know that. This week, it has reached the lowest point. I have basically been disowned by my family. This is due to a combination of my decision, the timing of the announcement and the opening up of old wounds that, perhaps, should have been left well alone. I'm not going to shirk my share of the blame for the last part, or the timing of the announcement, but no one else is innocent. 

Through this blog, you only get my perspective of the issues involved. In my mind and wherever possible, I try to get both sides of the story to make an informed decision. This will be difficult for 100% of the readers of this blog as you do not know my family and probably never will. How you view the events, thoughts, feelings and general shenanigans of this blog is up to you. It's a snapshot of me, my life and how I see things. Nothing more, nothing less.

So, what now? Given my feelings of loneliness recently, this is a major setback. It hasn't affected my decision and it will make it easier in some respects. However, the lack of family support does hurt. I know I've had two years to get to this point, whereas they have only had a couple of months. I'm hoping that, given time, they will come round and if not be a major part of my life again, at least be there for me. I'm not going close the door. It will always be open.

Now time for some more upbeat news and events. I had a letter from the Gender Identity Clinic (GIC), inviting me to a new patient workshop. This workshop aims to give the attendees information so we can be as prepared as possible and have progressed as much as we can before our first appointment. First question - can I get the day off of work without alerting my employer? Luckily I had one day of holiday left, so it was duly booked. So I sent the attendance form back and will now wait for the workshop. Things are beginning to move forward, albeit very, very slowly. 

I have also been asked to be a member of the local NHS (National Health Service) Partnership Trust. I'm presuming that this is to add to their cross-section of the community and another box ticked. (Perhaps I am being too cynical?) In any case, it will allow me to have a say on certain issues in the community, mainly mental health ones. We'll see.

What does this week hold? Crimbo shopping, the free meal & drinks owed from the local bar with the dodgy door staff, Games night, some minor religious festival and a birthday party. Busy, busy, busy...........!!

Not much from me this time. However, I have had good evening out and I have gained a few more board games out of it! The Secret Santa Soiree. I had to work the morning of the do, so couldn't have a relaxing morning to chill out. I had intended to get some stuff ready the night before, but me 1,0 was having family issues so wasn't really in the mood. So, after work, battle commenced. A couple of hours later, this vision emerged......ME! It's getting easier to get ready now, I have a routine which at the moment, seems to run very well. There is still time to be saved, but until hormonal changes occur, I can only do what I can do.

I was ready, but earlier than I thought. An hour earlier than I thought. Um.......what could I do for an hour? Play dress up! So I tried a few outfit combinations and a couple of the wigs I haven't worn in a while and had a bit of fun. after about 4 outfits, I got ready to go again. I was going to get the train as the venue was near a train station, in a local town. I got my heels on and walked to the station. Another 30 minutes in heels. All good practice and now I have calves of steel! Shock horror, I walked through the local town again and got on a train. A busy train. 

It was only two stops long and off I got. Through the busy station and onto my destination, which this year I found without too much trouble. I was the first one there. I was slightly nervous as I hadn't met some of the people who were going. The friends who had arranged the night have been really supportive. In fact, one of the phrases used by one of the friends has stuck with me and I used it when I saw the Mental Health doctor recently. It still resonates with me now and it is true. 

A glass of wine was appropriated, rose of course and I started to relax. Once everyone else arrived, I felt fine and natural. We played games, one of which I am going to have to buy, ate some fabulous food, had a few drinks and the purpose of the evening, Secret Santa. Given the situation, there wasn't any time to hand out names, so we were asked to buy a present, up to a certain value, that we could give anyone. I'd bought a Yodelling Flamingo - which went down very well. I got a set of 6 board games, in a wooden box and a game of charades, which, given the time of year, will come in very handy! 

Then, before we knew it, it was time to go home. I'd had an excellent time, felt relaxed and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I was offered a lift back with another close friend and his girlfriend -which I was grateful for as I didn't fancy a long walk which either form of public transport would have given me! Once home, it was time for the pumpkin, aka me 1.0 to reappear. Well, me 1.0 is a bit round and orange..............! xx

Cheeky mare! Round, perhaps, Orange? Milky white normally, even in the height of summer. Another week beckons. A better week? Who knows. Only time will tell. 

I think, in the back of my mind, the situation with my family might be affecting me. Who am I kidding, it's affecting me big time. Now, I'm not a big fan of this time of year. Bad things generally happen to me in December and this year is no different (except it happened in November and has impacted on December). I have no Christmas spirit left. I am devoid of any cheer and I can't wait for new year. 

I know there are others in the world who are worse off than me. I am physically OK, have a stable job and a place to live. Mentally......well, let's move on. I have friends who have physical conditions that either require surgery, hospital visits, doctors appointments or just medication to keep going. They suffer with pain if not daily, on a regular basis. My only physical problems cause my mental problems. I can't imagine what these people go through on a regular basis and I am in awe of the mental strength they possess. You know who you are and I would help you in any way I can. You just need to ask. :)

I must also admit that I am jealous, as most have a partner to support them through their bad times. I have been feeling lonely recently, especially with the family problems. My friends are great and are really supportive and I wouldn't change them for anything, but I do feel like I am becoming a burden sometimes and feel guilty for going on about my problems. This is where the jealousy comes in, as I have no one to offload onto when I get home.

Given the time of year with families getting together, being with loved ones and being full of festive cheer, you can see why I'm not feeling it. I'm facing the fact that I probably won't be in a serious relationship for quite a few years yet and that when I finally start dating again, it won't be easy. Far from it. I am lonely. I want someone to cuddle up to and make the world go away, to hold me and tell me everything is going to be fine. Instead, it's usually me, a cup of tea and insomnia from the thoughts cascading through my mind every night.

I keep saying to myself that next year will be different. Things are going to get better. I will be the real me. I hope it will be better. 2016 is the real year of change. It's up to me. Only I can change things, can't I? 

Things have been, um, quiet recently. Where have I been recently? Well, Christmas dinner last Sunday. I had been invited to Christmas dinner at a restaurant in the local town. This would be a real test for me, as I would be going into town, in daylight, on a Sunday afternoon. Scared - maybe a little, but not much. Scared of being seen by someone I knew? Nope. Scared of falling over in my heels? Yep!

So, after beautifying myself - a task in itself - and spending a few, let's say minutes choosing my outfit, I was ready. I was going to walk into town as It's not too far. I did get a few looks but whether they were good or bad I didn't notice. I didn't really care(unless they were good!). The restaurant was fairly busy when we arrived and got progressively busier throughout the afternoon. It was a nice intimate group of people to spend some quality time with. Some very close friends and a couple I hadn't really met before. The conversation flowed as did the wine and the whole meal was a very pleasant way to spend a Sunday afternoon. The food was good as well!

We stayed about 2 and a half hours in total. It just flew by. Then I had to face the walk back through town. OMG! It was just the same as walking into town. Uneventful. Then it was back to normality and the rest of the day was spent on housework. Boo!

So then we roll forward to Tuesday. A day off. I had booked a makeup lesson at MAC in my local city. My very good shopping friend had suggested it a long time ago and as she had a day off, we decided that I should book one for that day. I had asked to go over the basics, like foundation, concealer and contouring. I decided to try a different look; a combination of me 1.0 and me 2.0. I can't go around wearing wigs and lots of padding all the time, so it was more of an androgynous look.

Skinny jeans (with the special underwear and lightly padded panties), a long sleeve top with a push up bra, hairband and fitted jacket. No make up. I was more nervous about going out without the mask of makeup and a wig, than going out in full me 2.0 mode. I was more recognisable, I suppose. Deep breath taken and out into the world I went. I met my friend on the bus and off to the local city we did travel.

We started just mooching about and it became apparent that neither of us were into shopping. We drifted into some shops and were pretty uninspired. So off to MAC we went. We were slightly early, so we had a walk around the shop and spent, mentally, lots of money. Luckily, we started the lesson early. The teacher was very good. She asked a load of questions which I answered and she chose the products she thought were appropriate. She explained what each product did, how it was applied and why she'd chosen it. The 30 min lesson turned into about 45 mins in total and I ended up with a very natural look, which was my aim. It felt light, but covered all the areas it needed to and it definitely gave me lots to think about and lots I want to buy!

It was worth it and I will probably go back for lessons on the eyes in the new year. It's all part of my learning curve and I will be putting the lessons into practice soon. We were both hungry after the lesson, so we went for food and alcohol. We decided to have one last push and at least buy something. I bought my secret Santa prezzie, my Christmas jumper and some socks, so it wasn't totally wasted! We'd had enough by then, so we headed back to my friends for tea. I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get much crimbo shopping done, but I have bought some online since. After a well earned cuppa, I headed back home and defrocked back into humdrum world.

I have a secret Santa soiree this weekend, which I am really looking forward to. It will be good to see some people who I haven't seen for a while, but have been very supportive and are an inspiration. A well needed catch up. Details next week! xx

There is also the issue of a family event this weekend. I have had to cancel an event with friends for it - hopefully it will be worth it. We'll see. If it helps the cause - so be it. If not, I can't see things getting better anytime soon. It may be their last chance to see me as I am now. Next year will see a lot of physical changes and I probably won't look the same this time next year. It hurts me that this may be the case, but it does make the process easier. I may sound harsh when I say that, but it's the truth. It's hard on all of us. 

Ho hum. Not the best couple of weeks. It's been........difficult. It's been........hard to accept the situation. I have spoken to my mum, face to face. However, the contents of the conversation I will not divulge. This is out of respect to my family at this time. The subject of this blog did come up and the contents within. On this subject, I stand by everything I write in this blog and it is my mind at a given point in time. I'm not going to change how I write this blog in the same way I'm not going to change the way I live.

My life is, well, my life. I live it my way. I'm not perfect - far from it. I have my faults and some would say quite a few! They're probably right. I also have some good points. Others would also disagree with that statement as well!! I'm only human, albeit in the wrong body at the moment. I don't regret for one minute the decision I've made. I've spent years being unhappy and just going with the motions. I need to change the status quo and boy, have I!

Things will be very difficult as these past few weeks have shown. People will go out of my life and people will come into my life. Hopefully the people who matter will stay and the people who don't, won't. Your view on where you fit in is up to you. I know who is important to me. Work will be difficult, given the industry I'm in.A  Predominately male industry, both working for and with. I fully expect not to be working there in two years time. I know I have legal protection and I will use it to the max. I will have to think about how I will support myself with all the cuts in benefits in the UK, it will be extremely difficult. I want to work. I don't like handouts of money (food is OK!) - I like to earn my own money and pay my own way. 

Other than retail, I don't know much else. One of my good friends has suggested that I take a course in some form of massage. I will be looking into that and what else I fancy doing - I will need something to either fall back on/ take further should the need arise (which I think it will). I will hold out at my current job as long as is possible - I need the money!

My mental health will be the biggest concern. A combination of the above and many other factors can have a detrimental effect on mental health. I will admit, I am worried what will happen. I am at my strongest mentally at the moment at anytime in the past 4 years. Then events of the past few weeks are just a small indication of what is to come. Will I be able to cope with this on a regular/bigger basis? With the right support and help of the people who chose to stay in my life, I should be OK. It will be hard on those people as well - I apologise in advance and thank you all in advance.

I thank everyone who reads this blog and I especially thank those who have been and will continue to follow my journey. I also welcome any newcomers to the ride and hopefully I can count on your support as well. Next year will be a biggie. Watch this space..............;) xxxx

The show must go on as they say, so normal service will be resumed. It's been a week of more downs than ups as you may have guessed if you read this blog on a regular basis. I have been hurting and I am very angry. The names I have been called have hurt and got me questioning whether I am some of those things. Am I too narcissistic? Am I a drama queen? Am I self obsessed? Am I a tightwad? I am questioning everything I say to people now, checking I'm not turning everything back to me. I'm paranoid that I don't spend enough on people now. Is this post too self obsessed? People don't realise how certain words can set off a chain of events that can affect people's everyday life.

Right, that's my (sort of) rant over. Life's too short and life goes on. Harsh, I know, but then that's the narcissist in me! So, before it all kicked off I was supposed to be going to a firework display with my family. Can you guess what happened? Of course, I was advised not to go. Luckily, after meeting with a close friend on Monday to put the world to rights over a few alcoholic beverages, an invite to a pub gig in a local county town was offered should the firework invite be rescinded.

At this point, I must also say a big thank you to everyone who has commented, posted on Facebook, listened to me, talked things over with me and generally kept me from brooding on the situation with dinner or drinks. It shows the depth of support that I have from my friends and their families. I love you all!!

At this point, I'm going to take over. The day after all this drama kicked off, Two of my good married friends basically said that we should go out and have a few quiet drinkies in the local city. So, after dolling myself up (mainly to make me feel better and to stick it to the world), we met up in the city and went for a drink and some food in a newly opened bar.It was very busy when we got there and although I didn't really think about it when we got there, there was something about the security staff that wasn't right. 

Everytime the security staff walked past us, we were stared at. Even when we eventually got one of the booths to sit in, we were stared at. Personally, if anyone has a problem with me being me, that's their problem. I'm being true to me and in that respect that's all that matters. We ordered more drinks and some food. We ate and drank, but due to the amount of people and the DJ, it was becoming increasingly harder to talk to each other. We decided to leave and go to a new bar in another town, about 10 miles away. 

That's when it all kicked off. Me and the husband (not mine!) left the booth and waited for his wife to catch up with us. As she was getting up to leave the booth, the security person barked at her to move but didn't leave her any room to move. As she eventually got out, someone going into the booth elbowed her in the back. Let's just say that, due to this and the general attitude of the security staff, the bar have offered us free food and drink and the security staff no longer work for them.

Fair dues to my friend. She works in retail and it is very stressful in the run up to Christmas. It was the last thing she needed that night and I think it just tipped her over the edge. We got the bus along the coast and went into a new bar they've found. Now, I've never been out in this town before and it can be a bit conservative. Given my general mood, I really didn't care. That, and the strong beer I'd already drunk! We went in and we had some more drinks and luckily, no drama. It was pretty uneventful. We got the bus home and I faded into the background again.

Now fast forward seven days. Friday night and the pub gig. Me 1.0 had managed to finish work early which gave me plenty of time to chill and get ready. A nice relaxing bath, a spot of beautification, a bit of slap and a few extras and I was ready. Now, I had the option of getting the bus to the train station or a 40 minute walk in heels. So, I chose the walk. My reasoning? I don't wear heels enough and I need to get some more practice. Little did I know how much punishment my feet would take through that evening!

This also meant that I had to walk through my local town, mid evening. With the mood I was still in, I didn't care. I felt right and if anyone wanted to stare, let them. The fact that I had three cars sound their horn at me whilst walking along only added to my confidence. Through the town I walked and then up to the station. Only, my train had been delayed. Typical. I sat down and waited. And waited. Eventually it pulled in and I got on. My friends met me a couple of stops up and we travelled in together. Once at the other end, my feet took another pounding. Walking uphill. I coped! We arrived at the pub and got our drinks. Once the music started we were on our feet, dancing and the music compelled us to stamp our feet. A lot. Quite a lot in fact! So much that my feet did hurt after about an hour and a half of stomping.

I didn't notice if anyone was looking at me. I was enjoying the music and the company. It was great fun and just what I needed. By the time the encore was over, we had just under ten minutes to catch our train. Our walk was about ten minutes. In normal shoes. I ran as fast as my feet could carry me and we missed the train by about 20 seconds. However, as the train times were all over the place we luckily didn't have to wait long for another. This meant that we had to change trains twice. As we were all getting off at different stations en route, we had to split at the second change. The friends I met originally got a taxi back as the next train to their station was going to be a while, whilst the third friend who had joined us waited with me whilst I waited. The perfect gentleman! We were chatting and the conversation turned quite deep and meaningful. 

Now, I know that this friend has had and may still have, and I don't want to say issues, but reservations about the decision I have made and the alter ego I have. He has been incredibly supportive of me in his way. I really respect his opinion and it is good to have a devil's advocate to balance the views of the situation. We don't see each other that often, but it is good to talk when we do. I won't reveal the contents of the conversation, but a big thank you to him.

He departed the train at the next station, leaving me to travel onward alone. Which was pretty uneventful until I had to leave the train and walk to the bus stop. I truly understand how frightening it can be for lone females walking at night. I had a taxi driver drive past me at least 3 times, very slowly and then drive off and a man who kept walking past on the other side of the road at least twice, staring intently at me. I was glad when the bus arrived. On I got and to home I did go. My feet were on fire by this point and I was very tired. I'd had a brilliant evening in very good company and I was sad it had come to an end. I will be out again soon, you can be sure of that!!

There you have it. A mixed bag and lots for me to think about and digest. Things will be different now and I'm planning what changes I can do to make my transition easier and quicker prior to my appointment. Whatever happens, I'm resolute in my decision and my determination is stronger than ever. Keep smiling!! xxxx

Dear Mum,

As I can't talk directly to you and as I know you've found this blog, I wanted to hopefully explain to you about my blog, how the posts have come about and to go over the events of my week off, of which I seem to have caused a great deal of upset and anger.

So, to start, the blog. The blog is a snapshot of the thoughts, hopes, dreams and events at a given time, on a given day. It is a way for me to convey how I'm feeling and what I've been up to, to my friends and to clear my mind so that the issues don't keep me awake at night. A lot of my sleep problems revolve around my gender issues. My release is this blog. People are welcome to comment on this blog, provided it's not abusive, defamatory, transphobic or any other major negative. If you don't agree with the blog, at least have a reasoned argument and an open mind and it can be discussed. You will notice that, other than London, no place names or people are named on this blog. It is completely anonymous. A lot of things are said in jest. People are just looking out for me - with the reference to my friends parents adopting me. It was said tongue in cheek. I have a family of my own.

As for my week off, yes, I had a girly day out on the Tuesday. I also had lunch Monday, went shopping on the Thursday and had a spa treatment on Friday. As for your birthday, I thought lunch, just you and me would be nice. If you weren't happy with the location, you should have said. Yes, perhaps I should have got you another present and I am sorry if you feel that the venue and lack of present showed little thought on my part. As for telling you my decision to tell you about my gender dysphoria, I have to say that you are to blame for that one. You asked if I was OK. I said yes. You then asked again, with an 'are you really?' context. If I'd have said yes, what would you have said? Would you have pushed it again? You knew something was up with me and it was the only chance for me to see you on your own without my stepdad present.

I didn't want to tell you on your birthday, but the situation you put me in gave me no option. So, for that, I'm not sorry as I have nothing to be sorry for. I understand that the combination of your birthday, learning that your oldest child feels uncomfortable in their own body and has decided for their own peace of mind to seek help in rectify that and your perception of the contents of my blog have upset you. Talk to me. We are both grown adults and can hopefully have a proper conversation without any anger or name calling. 

I understand that it is a huge shock to you and that you may have problems with dealing with it. Please respect my decision, even if you don't accept it. I don't want to live a lie any longer. I just want to be me. I want you on my journey. You are my mum, my only parent and I love you. I have friends whose parents are dying and might not have much time left. I've already lost a father as he couldn't be bothered with me or my sister - I don't want us to go through the rest of our lives not speaking to each other. Life is short and life is precious. Please don't waste it.

I'm not sorry for living my life my way. I'm not sorry for being me. Since my divorce, I decided that for the first time since my early teens, that I need to look after myself for once. I have spent years looking out for other people - you after your divorce, my ex wife with her medical problems, all of my employers to try and gain respect and promotion, at the detriment of me. For the first time in my adult life, I am looking after me. I still look out for others - my family, friends and colleagues, but I need to focus on me and my issues. This issue was the final one to deal with and I have dealt with it. 

It was very hurtful to be called a tightwad, drama queen, narcissistic, and self obsessed. No doubt you will class this blog post as at least three of those words. Maybe it is? Or maybe you need to look at yourself? As for being a tightwad, well, yes, I have always been careful with money. I don't like being in debt and have a fear of not having enough money to live. This stems from working 23 hours a week part time and then only having £60 a month to myself for going out, clothes, savings etc. I had no choice but to be careful with money. I'm proud of the fact that I've managed to fend for myself since the mid 1990's without borrowing from my family. Even with the money you've lent me now, you offered. I would have got a bank loan. Please don't open the box of my past. I have put a lot behind me and don't wish to revisit that part of my life. I want to move forward.

I hope you read this and can think rationally and calmly about its contents. I need as much support as I can through this process and you know that I will always support you wherever I can. Please don't let this be the end of the road for our relationship. We've been through a lot together as a family and I thought our bonds were stronger than ever. 

You know how to contact me when you are ready.

All my love,
Dx

Feeling very deflated this evening. After the initial euphoria of telling my mum last week about my Gender Dysphoria, the first major negative has reared it's ugly head. Let me explain. After work, I decided to visit my mum, just to say hello and catch up. A soon as she opened the door, I realised that I was, for want of a better phrase, 'Persona non grata'. The welcome was decidedly frosty. I asked if she was alright and received a very curt 'Yes'. I'd taken up an information pack for her to read and I handed it to her. It was snatched away and put somewhere.

I think the enormity of the situation as sunk in. I think she's in the 'Anger' stage. Whatever I said, there was a sarcastic reply given. I was chatting to my stepdad and if I made a comment about something, there was the sarcasm. After about an hour of this, I'd had enough, made my excuses and left. The door was slammed shut behind me.

Now, I know that this is only the start of, and the first real negativity that I WILL experience. The trouble is, when it comes from your own family, it's harder to deal with. I know she will be going through the stages of grief - Shock, Guilt, Pain, Anger etc and I realise that it may take time for her to accept that this is my decision, even if she doesn't accept that it is happening or accepts me as I am. I haven't spoken to my sister yet, so I have no idea how she's feeling. 

I keep telling myself that I'm strong enough to cope with the adverse reactions that I will come across and I probably am. However, when it actually happens, it's still a big body blow and I am hurting. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and tell myself that it's all going to be OK. I didn't see my family for a long time due to circumstances and I don't want to lose them again. I have the most amazing friends who I know will always be there for me and some of their parents will adopt me if my family do disown me, but it still hurts and I really want their acceptance.

I can't help the way I feel and I don't want to live a lie any longer. Yes, I may become selfish over the next few years, but that will be due to issues like this. I have to look after number one. Society will place obstacles in my way, people will try to make my life difficult and my own body will create it's own issues. I will become determined. My friends all know that I will always be there for them, whatever is happening and essentially I will be the same person inside. The vessel will be more coherent with my mind, but my ideals, likes, loves, feelings will all be the same. I still hurt in the same way, the same way my mum is probably hurting now. My love for my family won't change. I will still be a child, sibling, cousin, Human Being. 

I'll give it another week and try again. I'll pick myself up and carry on, but it'll be in the back of my mind. Apologies to my friends if I am a little subdued or don't feel like going out. I may need a little me time. And perhaps a glass of wine/beer/cup of tea. And chocolate, definitely chocolate. xxxx