For the first three days, Lunch has been the order of the day. Monday, Lunch with my very close friend - my purveyor of all things of a beauty nature; Tuesday was lunch with my singer friend - an ardent supporter from the start and today was with my mum for her birthday. I actually have a free day tomorrow - Yay! - and on Friday I have a spa treatment in Old London Town, half price courtesy of my Monday lunch friend. So a pretty hectic week.
Now, as I have some time off, it is a good chance for me 2.0 to be out and about. Which is exactly what happened on Tuesday. The lunch was arranged last week, with me deciding on the location/venue. So, I chose a place halfway between our 2 locations and a fairly innocuous venue (a chain Italian restaurant). Me 2.0 will explain further........We hadn't had a proper catch up for ages and it felt like the right time to have a girlie day out. I originally thought that we would met at my friends place, not knowing that they had an ulterior motive.
So after getting ready, it was time to go. Off to the car I went and off I drove. Now, I was going to a town I'd been to before but under the cover of darkness. This time would be under the full glare of daylight. I wasn't particularly nervous as I know that I would have to do this anyway in the future. This was also part of my friends ulterior motive - to get me out in public. I parked up, paid and then went for a wander around town as I was early. I think I got a few stares and double takes but I wasn't really taking any notice. I was just happy to be out as me.
The next step was getting a table in the restaurant. In I walked and after waiting for a few minutes, was approached by a waiter. I asked for a table for two and was shown to a table (pretty boring stuff, but important to me). The fact is I was treated just like anyone else, which is exactly as it should be. Also the fact that I didn't really feel nervous is testament to the confidence that has grown over the past year in how I present myself and how I perceive myself.
My friend came in and we chatted and chatted and chatted and eventually ordered food. Then we chatted some more. I felt totally at ease, was told I looked good and have a good old chinwag and update. The food was good too! After what we thought was an hour was actually two (there was a lot to talk about!), we decided after we'd topped up our parking, we would have a mooch around the charity shops. I wasn't expecting to find anything, but I came away with a long skirt and a dress. (Pictures below). My friend was also trying to create a style that would go with her style of music. A touch of glamour and class, but comfortable at the same time. They found a lovely beaded top in one shop and a dress that could be, with minimal adjustment, perfect.
I think I've been pencilled in to help with the styling. Which I think is also a good confidence boost to me that they have confidence in my abilities. Hopefully! As for the whole day, it all felt, well, right. It felt natural. I felt like me. I didn't really want it to end. It was a proper girlie day out - lunch, a gossip and shopping. We both said that we have to do it again. Hopefully soon! However all too soon it was over and the journey back to being me 1.0 had begun. I hope it's not too long until I'm out again!
As for today, well it didn't really turn out as expected. As you may know, I really needed to tell my mum about my decision. To be honest, actually getting my mum on her own has been, well, difficult. I didn't want to tell her today as it was her birthday. Let me start at the beginning. I had arranged to take my mum to lunch as her birthday treat. So, I picked her up from work and we went to a local Garden Centre which has a reputation for doing good food. So we sat down and ordered our food and then the fatal question was asked; 'So how are you, really?'. So, after a little explanation, I told her the truth. I am Transgender. I have Gender Dysphoria.
Now, I don't think the full enormity of the situation as completely sunk in yet, but I think that from her initial reaction, that I have her support. She is obviously upset about losing a son, which is understandable. She gave birth to a son. She said that she wasn't surprised and I knew she thought something wasn't right. We spent the next hour talking about the implications of my decision on not only me, but the family, work and everyone else around me. Luckily she works in the medical profession and has some insight into the process I will be going through.
One person that came up was my sister. We both agreed that I had to tell her sooner rather than later otherwise she would get a bit narked that my mum knew and she didn't! Luckily, the perfect opportunity arose once I had taken my mum home. My sister was there already. My stepdad was out and she was there on her own. There was the usual banter and I mentioned the fact that I had a spa treatment in London on Friday. Her comment was; 'There's something strange about you.' I stopped for a second and said to her; 'I have something to tell you. Come and sit down.' She didn't think I was being serious However, a combination of me and my mum persuaded her to do as she was told.
She sat down and I said to her the following; 'How do you feel about having an older sister?'. A stunned look crossed her face. Then I started to tell her my decision and it finally dawned on her. Her reaction - laughter. Again, I don't think the gravity of the situation has fully sunk in yet. Only time will tell. From my point of view, it's a huge weight off of my mind. A major hurdle overcome. One of many yet to come. As long as I can keep smiling, keep strong and keep my confidence, I should be OK. Plus the love of my friends and family - that will be absolutely crucial.
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