February has been a quieter month overall. For much of it, I've felt devoid of any life. All I've wanted to do is curl up in my duvet and shut the world out. There have been some good evenings and a day out, but the overwhelming feeling is to shut myself away from the world.

I think that the euphoria of the new year and January as a whole, have subsided and I've fallen to earth with a bump. A rapid decent with an almighty crash. Only I can pull myself out of this slump, but with each low, my resolve to pull myself out becomes weaker and weaker. I've tried to identify the underlying problems that have caused the general malaise and I can narrow it down to the following:
1). Work. I shouldn't have left my last store. I miss my colleagues, the customers and the town. I was up for the challenge of setting up a new store, but the whole enterprise has been one problem after another.
2). My family. It hurts that I don't see them at the moment. It hurts that even though I've taken steps to change my life for the better, that there still is no real contact from them.
3). The waiting game. All the hoops and waiting that all Transgender patients in the U.K. have to go through. I just want to get on with the process and start to live as my chosen gender. It's not as simple as just changing my hair and piercing my ears - there's a lot more to think about and deal with.

Can I change any of this? Apart from working on the last one, not really. I could change my job, but this will create as many problems as it solves. Damn my stupidly overactive mind. This also causes it's own problems. Overactive mind equals lack of sleep equals not eating properly equals health problems. From chronic heartburn, to psoriasis, to boils, to various aches and pains, I've got them all.

I'm just keeping my head above water and keeping as positive as I can. It's hard, it's draining and I'm just coping. Just.

I mentioned the good times I've had in February. The day out I will talk about in another post - it requires the attention of a whole post. There have been a couple of nights out, both at the beginning of the month. The first was a visit to a comedy club in the local city. It was a surprise gathering for a good friends birthday. The first time sans wig. It felt strange without a wig. My safety blanket of sorts. I could hide behind it, play with it and it finished the look. However, it was my own hair. I felt quite naked without it!

On with the story. A group of us met inside before the birthday boy and his beau (a very good friend of mine) arrived. It was nice to catch up with some people I hadn't seen for a while. We need to get together more often, DON'T WE?! You know who you are! It was a very good evening and I forgot after a while about my sans wig concerns. This is how it's going to be in the future, so it needed to be done. The rest of the group were going for drinkies afterwards, but I had work the next day, so to my bed I went. My first evening without a wig completed. It felt good to have finally been out without one as it meant that things were moving forward - from me 1.0/2.0 to 3.0.

Then came a meal out with someone who, just by a few perfectly timed comments, has had an enormous effect on my mindset with regard to my transition. They have been through a tough time recently and I was honoured that they and their beau came to my birthday. (I was honoured by everyone who came to my birthday, it's just that I don't see these people often, so it was a nice surprise). We decided that we needed a girlie night out and set a date.

We went to an all you can eat Chinese in a local town. I didn't have a lot of time to get ready - I managed to get in, shave, makeup and dressed in 90 minutes. Go me! The day I don't have to shave can't come soon enough. Roll on the electrolysis! I had to get a bus from my flat into the town, sans wig again. Again, another thing I had to do, so I did it. Once off of the bus, I had a 5 minute walk to the restaurant. I went in on my own and got a table and waited for my friend to arrive. I didn't have to wait long and our evening began.

We chatted about many things, both personal and general. It was good to get to know them better as we have always been part of a group. They have always been very supportive of my decision and as far as they are concerned, if I'm out in me 1.0 mode, I'm just crossdressing! We chatted for about three hours. We didn't realise how late it was!  It also meant that I had missed my last bus home. Ah. That meant either a taxi or train home/40 minute walk. Couldn't really afford a taxi, so train and walk it was.

We walked up to the station, as my friend lives near. I had to walk to the station on my own. Another situation - a provincial railway station at night. It had to be done. So onto the platform I went and waited. I got a few stares, but I wasn't really bothered. Let them stare! The train came, on I got and off we went. I got off at my local station and started my walk. As I got to the bus stop, the board said one was due in five minutes. Excellent. Saved me 30 minutes walking!

So, other than these few rays of sunshine, February 2016 can be forgotten about. March so far is......March. I'll post about my day out to London soon. It was a big eye opener for me regarding my way forward and the future. I'm hoping things get better soon. I'm thoroughly fed up with life at the moment.