Happy new year to you all! I know it is February, but sometimes life gets in the way. Now, finally, the proper update.  I've been on a bit of a break from the blog - not for any particular reason or any comment made, but just to let things settle for a while and calm down a bit, given the circumstances. This does mean however, that there is a lot to tell. In that respect, I am going to split it into two separate posts so I don't send you to sleep!

Where to begin? The start would be a good place I suppose and probably following on from the last post. Christmas time. A time for family. A time for rejoicing and happiness and......who am I kidding. I hate Christmas. I hate the build up. I hate the commercialism. I hate the faux pretence of loving and sharing. It's always been a bad time of year for me and it was no different on the whole. There were small glimmers of respite amongst all the doom and gloom for which I was very grateful, but it was still very draining and dark times.

Family, in whichever form it my be - either spouse, sibling or parent have all had a major impact on my festive period in the last few years. From the announcement of divorce in 2011, to the events of the latter months of 2015 involving my immediate family all contribute to my disdain for the 'celebration'. Others may say the same about me and they're probably right. I try not to let my mood overtake proceedings, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to do so. My issue I suppose. I'm just being me either 1.0 or 2.0 and that's the view I take on the season.

Luckily, over the past few weeks, I have had the opportunity to be myself quite a few times. Firstly at Christmas - Christmas day to be exact. Due to the complications with my family, it wasn't advisable for me to be at the family Christmas. Luckily some very good friends of mine invited me around to theirs for the day. I'd bought a Crimbo jumper especially for the occasion, made myself look presentable and looked forward to the day as best I could.

I was picked up and driven to my friends flat and...........everything felt natural, everything felt calm and I was happy. Plenty of good drink, food, games, merriment and friendship. There was six of us in total, from parents to cousins - who have all met me 2.0 before - and the atmosphere was brilliant. I felt right, I felt good about myself and I was treated as the real me. It ended up with me and my friends cousin teasing each other like siblings in the evening (although other people called it flirting!). It was a good end to the day.

Then, new year was upon us. Another opportunity to be myself again. Another good friend of mine had invited me out with them and their partner to a pub in the local city. We were going to meet up with an ex of theirs (they are still on good terms and they are someone who has been one of my 'Devils Advocate' throughout my decision making. I will never be able to thank them enough for making me think long and hard about my decision and making sure I didn't make the wrong decision).

The plan was to go to the first venue before moving to another venue. Simple. So, I went for a change of look - a bit more vampy. I wanted to make an impression and hopefully I did. We met up on the train and made our way to the venue. After meting up with our 'host', we got our drinks and sat down. I didn't really know anyone other than my friends new beau and their ex, so I started chatting to the new beau. We had a really good conversation and I got to know them better which was very nice to do.

There was a musician playing at the venue - a one man band. They were very, very good. so good in fact (that plus the alcohol!), that we didn't want to leave. I remember my friends beau started a conga, a lovely lady from Finland joined us and I ended up talking to a very friendly couple who had only just moved to the city. Again, I was happy. I was being accepted as me and it felt good. a real confidence booster. Then, as usual, it was at an end. Home time beckoned. Me 1.0 loomed on the horizon.

There were positives over the festive season. I was allowed to blossom and things felt right. With regard to the family situation, things have taken a complete leftfield turn over the past few weeks - more of the unfolding events in the next post. It fills me with some confidence for the future and we will see how it pans out. Small steps....

So, as me 1.0 and me 2.0 are one and the same now, (should I call myself 3.0 now?), the style of the blog may change. A mixture of the two. The real me. This is the start of real change, from physical appearance to certain mental aspects - as much as I can before my first appointment. From how I look after myself, what I eat to what I do as well as how I act, talk and present myself will all be gradually changed. I've already made two small changes. But, I don't want to tell you what, in this post. You'll have to wait for the second part!

These changes have had to wait until now, as I wanted to celebrate my last birthday as me 1.0 It is a poignant moment for me, knowing that this time next year, I will not be the same person. I will be on my way to being who I want to be and who I should be. Life will be different and relationships will be different. Some relationships have already changed and many more will follow. For better or for worse, I honestly cannot tell at present.

There are lots of things spinning around my head at the moment. Lots of things have happened, some of which I cannot divulge in this blog. Lets just say one of my fantasies has been enacted recently and.......(gazes wistfully into the distance).........that was a big turning point. It's not naughty or dirty, just intimate. More updates to come in the second part of the new year post. I'll let you have a few days to digest this one before I put up the next one.

It's getting more interesting and all is moving forward.........xxxx